If I Was A...

These meme things drive me crazy. But Lisa insisted, and who can say no to Lisa? What follows is a list of occupations, and what I would do if I had that occupation.


If I could be a scientist... I would bio-engineer a pest that would consume all bio-engineered organisms. (What? You got a problem with that?)

If I could be a farmer... I would have a ranch that was self-sustaining so I didn't need utilities or food from anyone.

If I could be a musician... my music would have been blasted from loudspeakers and driven all the terrorists out of Iraq.

If I could be a doctor... I'd perform studies on all the so-called health supplements and determine if they were good or bad, and publicize the results.

If I could be a painter... my art would tell stories.

If I could be a gardener... my garden would be a place where birds and butterflies and other little critters would want to live. Wait... it is!

If I could be a missionary... I'd have to find a religion that didn't drive me crazy, one that brought people together instead of setting them apart, and then I'd spread the word far and wide.

If I could be a chef... my wife would hate me, because she's the great cook in the family.

If I could be an architect... I'd design buildings that had a modest beauty, that were easy on the environment, that treated people like guests and not gophers.

If I could be a linguist... I'd be cunning at it.

If I could be a psychologist... I probably still wouldn't understand women.

If I could be a librarian... I'd hide in the stacks and read.

If I could be an athlete... I'd finally have my wish of making people laugh. Too bad I couldn't be a comedian.

If I could be a lawyer... I'd sue anyone filing frivolous or harmful lawsuits, and I'd sue the government to make it serve the people instead of itself.

If I could be an innkeeper... I'd start a chain called The Seven Deadly Inns.

If I could be a professor... I'd be Indiana Jones.

If I could be a writer... my life would be complete.

If I could be a backup dancer... I'd need really, really good medical coverage.

If I could be a llama-rider... I'd start a llama stables called Llama-Rama.

If I could be a bonnie pirate... I'd have me a big parrot on me shoulder, named Scratch. harrr!

If I could be a midget stripper... I'd only strip the female midgets.

If I could be a proctologist... I'd go blind.

If I could be a TV-Chat Show host... I'd ask more interesting questions than, "Who are you dating now?"

If I could be an actor... I'd want to captain a starship.

If I could be a judge... you wouldn't want to be a criminal.

If I could be a Jedi... I'd have a lot of duct tape. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it binds the universe together. Oh, wait... that's the Force!

If I could be a mob boss... the FBI would have to have much better technology than they have now if they wanted to catch me.

If I could be a backup singer... you wouldn't want the lead singer to lose his voice.

If I could be a CEO... I would acquire companies that irritated me and sell off their parts, then fire their CEO and ridicule their investors.

If I could be a movie reviewer... I'd sue any movie company that quoted me without permission.

If I could be a monkey's uncle... what would that make me?

If I could be a CSI... I'd want to work with Marg Helgenberger. oooh, baby!

If I could be a computer nerd... hey... I am one!

If I could be a Kindergarten teacher... I'd send the kids home and teach the parents instead. They're the ones who need it most.


Blog Tag: Chatter