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  Thursday, May 05, 2005

If I Was A...

These meme things drive me crazy. But Lisa insisted, and who can say no to Lisa? What follows is a list of occupations, and what I would do if I had that occupation.


If I could be a scientist... I would bio-engineer a pest that would consume all bio-engineered organisms. (What? You got a problem with that?)

If I could be a farmer... I would have a ranch that was self-sustaining so I didn't need utilities or food from anyone.

If I could be a musician... my music would have been blasted from loudspeakers and driven all the terrorists out of Iraq.

If I could be a doctor... I'd perform studies on all the so-called health supplements and determine if they were good or bad, and publicize the results.

If I could be a painter... my art would tell stories.

If I could be a gardener... my garden would be a place where birds and butterflies and other little critters would want to live. Wait... it is!

If I could be a missionary... I'd have to find a religion that didn't drive me crazy, one that brought people together instead of setting them apart, and then I'd spread the word far and wide.

If I could be a chef... my wife would hate me, because she's the great cook in the family.

If I could be an architect... I'd design buildings that had a modest beauty, that were easy on the environment, that treated people like guests and not gophers.

If I could be a linguist... I'd be cunning at it.

If I could be a psychologist... I probably still wouldn't understand women.

If I could be a librarian... I'd hide in the stacks and read.

If I could be an athlete... I'd finally have my wish of making people laugh. Too bad I couldn't be a comedian.

If I could be a lawyer... I'd sue anyone filing frivolous or harmful lawsuits, and I'd sue the government to make it serve the people instead of itself.

If I could be an innkeeper... I'd start a chain called The Seven Deadly Inns.

If I could be a professor... I'd be Indiana Jones.

If I could be a writer... my life would be complete.

If I could be a backup dancer... I'd need really, really good medical coverage.

If I could be a llama-rider... I'd start a llama stables called Llama-Rama.

If I could be a bonnie pirate... I'd have me a big parrot on me shoulder, named Scratch. harrr!

If I could be a midget stripper... I'd only strip the female midgets.

If I could be a proctologist... I'd go blind.

If I could be a TV-Chat Show host... I'd ask more interesting questions than, "Who are you dating now?"

If I could be an actor... I'd want to captain a starship.

If I could be a judge... you wouldn't want to be a criminal.

If I could be a Jedi... I'd have a lot of duct tape. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it binds the universe together. Oh, wait... that's the Force!

If I could be a mob boss... the FBI would have to have much better technology than they have now if they wanted to catch me.

If I could be a backup singer... you wouldn't want the lead singer to lose his voice.

If I could be a CEO... I would acquire companies that irritated me and sell off their parts, then fire their CEO and ridicule their investors.

If I could be a movie reviewer... I'd sue any movie company that quoted me without permission.

If I could be a monkey's uncle... what would that make me?

If I could be a CSI... I'd want to work with Marg Helgenberger. oooh, baby!

If I could be a computer nerd... hey... I am one!

If I could be a Kindergarten teacher... I'd send the kids home and teach the parents instead. They're the ones who need it most.


Blog Tag: Chatter

6 Comments:

At 5/05/2005 6:08 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

You only needed to do 5, but good job! lol

 
At 5/05/2005 6:08 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

did you know, btw, that Marg is from Nebraska? :)

 
At 5/05/2005 11:38 PM, Blogger Mary said...

All?! You did them ALL?

You're going to make the rest of us look bad!

All of them wonderful, too.

Llama-Rama. That's the best thing I've heard since the llama llotion over at Grover's blog.

LOL at the midget stripper one the most. ;)

Bravo!

 
At 5/06/2005 12:34 AM, Blogger Melissa said...

If I could be a computer programmer...I would design programs that EVERYONE could understand.

If I could be a biomed engineer...I would design medical equipment that would still work after being dropped or dunked.

If I could be a biomed engineer...I would design morphine pumps with built in parameters to prevent busy nurses from setting them at lethal doses. (We had a real close call last night.)

If I could be God...there would be no such thing as PMS. Or, men would get it instead.

If I could be God...every day would be 30 hours long. Hours spent at work would stay the same.

If I could be God...ice cream, chocolate and cookies would be healthy, low cal.treats. Broccoli would be junk food.

If I could be an inventor...I would convert my car to run on trash and dog fur.

If I could be an inventor...I would invent a self-cleaning house.

If I could be an inventor...I would design a dishwasher that could put the dishes away and a dryer that could put the clothes back in the closet.

If I could be a programmer...I would design a blog site that would allow comments to be corrected after being published.
(I wonder what horrors I'm going to find tomrrow when I read what I wrote.)

 
At 5/06/2005 1:17 AM, Blogger gemmak said...

Lol....yup you can blame me but I can blame Sque! ....for a guy who hates meme's you kinda answered alot! lol. Maybe it's safest you stick with being a computer nerd and avoid proctology! :o)

 
At 5/06/2005 11:55 PM, Blogger dkgoodman said...

Didn't know that, Lisa. Do they all look like that? ;)

I did 'em all, Mary. In protest. But I enjoyed it. :mumble:

Nice to hear you're back at work, Melissa. Hope your hand is better.

Maybe Sque did, and maybe Sque didn't. I don't know Sque, and Sque don't know me.

 

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