Scared of Commitment

Speaking as a man (one of the few things I'm qualified to speak as), it always gives me a chuckle when some guy is afraid to get married. I'm not talking about the womanizers who have such luck with women that they haven't the slightest desire to settle down, I'm talking about the guys who are monogamous, have been with the same woman for years, and say they want to get married, yet never actually make it to the altar. Amusing, isn't it?

Today I read a story about a couple who were in agreement that they never wanted children, and the guy wasn't afraid to walk down the aisle. And then, at some point after they'd tied the knot, the woman had a change of heart. She now wanted children. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming that it was a change of heart. That couple has a big problem.

A child is a big deal. Having children changes your life, turns it upside down. It changes who you are, what you are, what you can do. Some people don't like kids. Some people know or fear that they would make a bad parent. What happens next?

Divorce can be a terrible thing. I know, because my parents divorced. But in my book, if there's a chance a marriage isn't going to make it, the time to find out is before there are children. One of the worst sins I can think of is to have a child to save a marriage. If you fail, you've now failed the child as well. I firmly believe that children have the best chance of success when they have two loving parents. I'm not saying children of single parents can't turn out well, but it's so much harder for everyone involved.

Marriage takes commitment. It takes two people who are strong enough to make it through the rough times and keep going, who can adapt to the inevitable changes in their situations, and their feelings, and the evolution of who they are and how they are together.

I know, because I was terribly afraid of marriage. I'd seen my parents fail at it. It took five years together before I had the confidence to marry, but I'm so glad that I did. I'm deeply grateful that we had our daughter. And our marriage has lasted a long time now.

Men have every right to be afraid of commitment. But it still makes me laugh. :)


Blog Tag: Opinion