Scared of Success

At times in my career I've been a manager. I prefer programming to management, but I've found that management skills come in handy in real life as well as at work. Selling a home and buying one are both big projects, and being able to foresee the requirements, anticipate contingencies, schedule tasks and track progress has come in very handy.

One of the things I learned as a manager is that things go wrong. Plans never survive first contact with the enemy. And the closer you get to your goal, the greater the odds that you're going to fall on your face. Time and time again I've seen people relax when they were almost to the finish line, and that's when things went sideways. That's why the closer I get to reaching a goal, the closer I pay attention to all the details. People say, "What are you worried about? Everything's going great!" That scares me even more.

The forces of chaos are strong. There's a balance to the universe, and when things get too orderly, entropy rears its unpredictable head and throws a wrench in the works. I expect that now. I try to plan for it. I think I'm even comforted by it. Things are going smoothly in my life right now. There's a lot to do, and I've been incredibly busy keeping all the balls in the air, but the scary thing is... I've been keeping all the balls in the air. It's scaring me. I feel like I'm building up some kind of karma debt, and the universe is going to get me for allowing everything to go right.

Tomorrow escrow closes on the new house. I'm driving up to get the keys and install an alarm system and webcams. I just know chaos is rubbing its hands together and cackling. I'll let you know who wins.


Blog Tag: Chatter