The Eye of the Beholder

A while back, a local blogger wrote a post that disturbed me. She had gone to one of the Shari's Restaurants in Bend and observed a black man with a white woman who weren't getting service. She called for a boycott to protest this discrimination. It made me pretty irate, and I wanted to join the boycott.

Then I recalled an incident of my own at Shari's. Connie and I had gone there for dinner, and sat there for 20-30 minutes without anyone coming to take our order. For the record, neither Connie nor I are black. I don't think there was any intent to deny us service, we just slipped through the cracks.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

I've been trying to hire a roofer and an electrician and a handyman to do some work on the house. I'm not having a lot of luck. Either they don't return my calls, or they say they'll show up and never do. When this happens, you ask yourself, "Why is this happening? Is it something I said or did? What is it about me that I can't get any service? Is it my religion? Is it because I'm from California? That must be it. I'm the victim of prejudice!"

It's hard not to think like this. Whenever I do, though, I re-examine the situation and ask myself if perhaps I'm presuming facts not in evidence.

Many years ago, when I was a software project manager, I had a friend who was a woman and a minority, as well as a co-worker. She was convinced that the company was bigoted. When I asked why, she explained that at her last job as a programmer for an airline company in Chicago, there had been many female programmers, and minority programmers. At our company, however, we were predominantly white males. I felt insulted.

You see, I sometimes did hiring there. When I needed someone for my team, I went through the stack of resumés trying to winnow out the good candidates to call in for an interview. Based on the names, I would say that 99% of the applicants were male, and the ones I called in were not the same race as my friend. I would have gladly hired a qualified female applicant (in fact, I'd have preferred to), and likewise I'd have been happy to hire an applicant the same race as my friend. But the fact is, the applicants for game programmer were pretty much all males, and mostly white or Asian. It's hard to hire someone when they don't apply. I could have made an effort to seek out more minorities, but I was overwhelmed with the number of applications I had to begin with.

I showed the stack of resumés to my friend, and she still insisted that we were bigots.

Perception is reality.

The fact is, our beliefs color our perceptions. A guy goes to a shrink, and he complains that nobody loves him. The shrink says, if this is so, then why did his wife say she loved him? The guy declares that she was only saying that. Because he believes nobody loves him, he doesn't recognize it even when somebody does love him.

Now, I'm not saying there is no prejudice in the world. There's all too much of it. But if you see that as the villain in every case, then you may be missing opportunities. If you blame prejudice for all your problems, this can keep you from solving the real problems and being more successful. Even when there is prejudice, you can succeed by having a good mental attitude and doing your best.

When there's an obstacle in your way, you can regard it as your reason for failure. Or you can acknowledge it, and then overcome it or go around it and be on your way. The choice is yours.

It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
- Epictetus

Be successful, my friends.


Blog Tag: Opinion